Month: July 2021

The mess men are in, and how we clean it up.

You read that right! A crisis of epic proportions has swept our country, dare I say a pandemic is crushing our world. Now, I know what some of you who just read that sentence are thinking. Probably something like, “Crisis? Meltdown? Is there really a problem so significant to use such audacious terms?” I’m glad you asked that question. If you’ll keep reading, I’ll answer the questions: Is there really a crisis? How did we get here? And What do we do about the mess we are in?

Is there really a Manhood Meltdown?

The “Manhood Crisis” or “Fatherhood Crisis” that we are experiencing has plagued generations of young men, who in turn, grow up to be men and fathers themselves. The grave danger of this “Manhood Meltdown” is that it is a self-perpetuating downward spiral of disaster.

You see, somewhere along the way men lost their way (or gave it up). We abdicated our role and responsibility to be men. We caved to the pressures of the world to “be big kids” or that real men are somehow exuding “toxic masculinity.” Men of days gone by had sons who desperately craved their fathers attention and approval. When they didn’t get what they needed, these boys grew up to be men very similar to their fathers. After all, that’s who we learned to be. When those young men become fathers, they unfortunately emulate many of the characteristics that their dad exhibited.

This downward spiral is made even more clear in the numbers and statistics. In a report from the Department of Justice (All the way back in 1998), some alarming statistics were found. In their report, the DOJ found that fatherless homes account for:

• 70% of minors detained in state centers and institutions.
• 71% of all high school drop outs.
• 85% of children who have behavioral disorders.
• 75% of all rapists motivated by displaced anger.
• 63% of all youth suicides.

In his book The Boy Crisis, Warren Farrell gives a clear picture of the detriment being done to our children (specifically our boys) by fatherless homes. He finds:

Children from fatherless homes are at a significantly higher risk of drug abuse. Nearly two times as many academic high achievers come from 2 parent homes than single parent homes. In homes where fathers are absent, boys have a 100% more likelihood of being incarcerated than in homes with 2 parents.

What’s striking about these numbers is that they remain eerily constant across social, racial, and economic boundaries. No matter how you parse the numbers, statistics, and demographics one constant remains:

When fathers are absent, children lose.

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So how did we get in this mess?

As stated before, we are in this mess today because too many men have caved to the pressure of the culture condemning their “toxic masculinity” while others have abdicated their role and responsibility to be who they were designed to be.

Trigger warning (as if you haven’t had that chance already), men and women are different. We aren’t simply biologically different. We are emotionally different, mentally different, and psychologically different. Clearly stated, men aren’t women and women aren’t men. We were designed differently. These differences in design are vital to the development of children produced by mothers and fathers. A home where a mother and father are present gives children in that home the best opportunity for success. Conversely, a home where both a mother and father aren’t present creates an unnecessary risk of failure for the children living in that home.

Have there been problems with the cultural masculinity of days gone by? Yes, but even more problematic is the dangerous practice of labeling everything that is masculine as toxic. Real men treat women with respect. Real men love their children. Real men give to others through a tireless work ethic. Real men speak into the culture with a voice of strength and honor. Please understand, there’s nothing toxic about true masculinity!

The pandemic of immaturity in so many men in our culture will have long lasting, crippling effects. Of those men who have abandoned their families, some have left in fear and others out of selfishness. No matter the reason a man leaves his family physically or mentally (more on this later), he is wrong. Men, at our core we must be men of character and conviction. We must not abdicate our role and abandon our responsibility to fulfill immature desires or alleviate external pressures.

Life is hard, full of pressure, and responsibility. So man up!

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How do we clean up this mess?

This question cannot be answered in full in this article. That’s why I will share an action step every Monday in the weeks to come. To tease those articles and pique your interest, I’ll give you the outline now. In order to clean up the mess that we are in and pull out of the death spiral of the Manhood Meltdown, men must:

• Grow Up: Follow the path toward manhood.
• Be Actively Present: Avoid the trap of passivity.
• Love Passionately: Pursue a life a sacrificial love.
• Get Support: Surround yourself with men to challenge you.
• Trust Confidently: Growing internal fortitude, Showing masculine assertiveness.

Please check in each Monday to read my latest article on how we clean up the mess left by the Manhood Meltdown.