We all know there are 365 days in a year (366 in a leap year1). That means there are 8,760 hours in that same year, and more acutely, there are 525,600 minutes in a year.
Simply put 1 year is a long, long time. Or is it? One thing I’m certain of, so much can happen in just 1 trip around the sun.
If I can be transparent and vulnerable for just one sentence, this past year has been a difficult year. Filled with so many memories of good and bad that will last for the rest of my time on this terrestrial ball, life changed for me.
In a moment that literally changed the trajectory of mine and my family’s life, I found myself reeling. Groping for anything to steady my feeble mental, emotional, and spiritual footing, I turned to the people that I loved and those who I knew loved me the most.2
There was so much to be said, so much to be done. But what I found most impactful were the moments when those who cared for me most simply listened, sat with me, or prayed for me and my family. The most memorable and meaningful words were from those who encouraged me to rest.
As a quick aside, rest is hard for a hard-charging, go get it done, “what’s next?” kind of man. “Why” you ask? Because I always thought that rest was laziness or a waste of the time I could be doing what I needed to get done. But I was wrong.
What I’ve learned in the last year is that no matter the clutter, stress, ups, downs, ins, or outs; I can rest.
This doesn’t mean that life isn’t busy. Quite the opposite! In the past 8,760 hours, I’ve moved my family (TWICE), changed career paths, traveled to 8 states and driven over 35,000 miles, networked with dignitaries, leaders, and a Vice President, and loved my beautiful wife and growing men. I’ve grown deeper, stronger, and dare I say wiser as a man.
I’ve laughed and danced at weddings, wept alone watching the sunset kiss the roadside wildflowers through my windshield, and endured deep gut-wrenching pain that can only be diagnosed as a broken heart. I don’t tell you all of this to whine, complain, brag, or make you feel sorry for me. Nope! I want you to know that this is the same stuff WE ALL DEAL WITH!
As I look back on the last year, specific moments seem so close and so distant. My mind spins as I think of how quickly time has flown by. This past ride around the big yellow ball has taught me so much and I can’t wait to see what lies ahead in the next go around.
So what’s the lesson learned? It’s simple. The more things change, all the more Christ stays constant. When our feet are shuffling for firm land and our wobbly knees knock against each other, when our weak hands search desperately for anything tangible and our shoulders are unbearably sore from the weight we think is ours; there He is. He’s there in the happy dance and in the lonely tear-filled moments. Emmanuel (God with us) is walking with me everywhere I go. Or, do I have that backwards?
One year's a really short long time. Stuff's going to happen. Rest in the firm footing of fulfillment in the Maker's path.
Yes, that’s for you smart guy!
THANK YOU to all of you who’ve helped me through the last year. While I won’t name names, you know who you are and I am blessed to have you in my life. I will name 1 person. She’s been my sunny day, sprinkler in the summer and warm blanket in the freezing cold. Christina, you are the best wife I’ve ever had and the best mother to our 3 men.
Growth is a choice. That’ right. The ball is in your court and you get to decide whether you grow up and pursue the path toward manhood or if you remain the same and settle for perpetual immaturity. As I stated in the first article of this series, the way men get out of the mess we are in and avoid or correct the Manhood Meltdown is by not contributing to the self perpetuating death spiral. The only way we can help young men is by growing into manhood ourselves.
In my latest article, I shared Mark Batterson’s principle of “Making decisions against yourself.” By this he means that men can’t go with the flow, or with our own whims and will. In order to grow, we must choose the path of most resistance. We must choose to do difficult things. We must man up and grow up.
Below, I’ll give you 5 steps that I think are necessary to growing into manhood. Is this a replete list? No. But I think it’s a great place to start in our journey pursuing manhood.
Dare To Put Yourself Out There: Take Risks!
If you want to grow, you must decide to assert yourself. Go ahead, put yourself out there. The reason so many men don’t catch the touchdown pass or make the game winning 3 point shot to win the state championship is because they never tried out for the team. Yes, there’s a certain level of talent that must be honed to be a fine running back, power forward, or short stop, but far too many boys don’t get out there and try. while chatting with a State Champion High School football coach and retired NFL’er, he revealed that he believed the greatest quarterbacks and free safeties at his high school never played! He had incredibly talented teams, but the jarring reality is that the teams could’ve been better had the all the boys who should’ve tried out put themselves out there.
The same is true of grown men. Whether a business venture, difficult choice, or asking that girl out, so many shrink back and far too few charge forward. Why is this? Possibly because it’s easier to settle of passivity. Possibly because fear paralyzes the mind and legs. Possibly because we like the trappings of the familiar. To these potentialities I say, “Be assertive. Be bold and courageous. Be adventurous.” You were made to pursue and hunt. I’ll share more about passivity and assertiveness in the articles to come, but for now know that that you have what it takes, so move forward in confidence.
I hear the objections now! “Are you saying men should take blind risks?” or “What about the failure I can’t overcome?” If you know anything about me, you know that my #1 rule for life is ,”Don’t be stupid!” Always do your homework and research before you leap. Make intelligent and calculated choices before you risk. But move past research and planning to action! If you are afraid of failure, be comforted and motivated by what a wise old friend of mine once told me. He said, “Son, you can’t make too big of a mess that God can’t clean up.” Rest in the strength, courage, and adventurous spirit of our Heavenly Father!
I can’t remember if it was The Great One, Wayne Gretzky or some mid-level manager in an obscure office supply store in the rust belt of Pennsylvania, but I know for sure that one of them said, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”
Listen Intentionally: Humbly Seek Mentorship.
Speaking of old friends, you need them. In fact, you need 3 different people in your life. You need a mentor of father-figure to share the wisdom he’s gathered over time. You need contemporaries who you can do life with and bounce ideas off of. And you need someone to pour into, guide, and mentor.
The word intentional has been used so much over the last few years that I’m afraid it’s lost some of it’s effective meaning. By telling you that you need to listen intentionally, I’m saying that you need to actively, earnestly, and attentively listen to the wisdom offered by those who will invest in your personal growth. So man times we have a proclivity to think that we’ve got it all figured out or that we can’t possibly have time to submit to direction. Sincerely friend, you can’t afford not to be invested in. In his book Wild at Heart, John Eldredge explains to the reader that one of the saddest things that a man could ever say or think of himself is that he is a “self made man.” How lonely and frightening a path that must be to walk? Submit to wise counsel. Be teachable. Listen intentionally.
It’s a really good idea to engage in a peer group as well. This will provide support, encouragement, and ultimately accountability for you and others. Live by Proverbs 27:17, “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” We are made for connectivity. You aren’t made to be an island, so get plugged in. (See step one if there are objections) Whether it’s a running or fitness club, Bible study, shooting club, or bowling league, find those that you can do life with and have fun!
Once you begin to experience growth, intentionally pour into those who are younger. This may be a natural fit with your children, grandchildren, nieces or nephews. Otherwise, volunteer at a kid’s club, elementary school, or church. As has already been overly-stated, children need men in their lives who will invest in them and help them answer the question “do I have what it takes.” Give liberally. Be kind and honest. Exhibit the same grace and humility afforded to you by your mentor.
Learn Voraciously: Don’t Settle For What You Already Know!
I love Jeopardy!(!) Honestly I’ve struggled to watch since Alex Trebek passed away, but before he died I DVR’ed every episode and watch them all. I know, I’m a nerd! But I know that I have to continually feed my craving for knowledge. Much of Jeopardy! is just fun facts made for party tricks, but there’s something to be said for a man who will commit himself to learning more and applying what he learns.
The man who can’t be taught anything is truly ignorant. There is always, always, always something more to learn. I’ve been told stories about a UCLA professor who would bring a fish in a bowl into the classroom. He would have his students write down things they noticed about the fish. When they would turn it in, he’d ask, “Is that all you noticed? Tell me more.” He would then send them away to write 5 more things. By most accounts, this would go on for 2-3 weeks. (I need to know the secret to keeping a fish alive in a bowl for that long) Most remarkably, the students presented uniquely new findings with each pass at the fish. What’s the point? There’s always more to learn.
Amazingly, you live in one tiny corner of our solar system which is just a blip in the midst of the Milky Way Galaxy. Most astronomers tell us that the Milky Way is one of countless galaxy in the “known universe.” The awesome Creator God put you in the largest, most vast and expansive universe not only so that you could marvel at His beautiful creation, but so that we could know Him more deeply and intimately. Louie Giglio explains all of this so eloquently in many of his talks and books. He talks about the strange and startling shrinking effect that comes over a man who has this revelation. Know this, the God that made all that is, did it so that we may know Him. Yes, know about Him, but far more significantly so that we can know Him intimately and personally.
Don’t settle for what you already know. Grow in knowledge and apply what you learn. One of the greatest marks of manhood is quiet wisdom. Lean into Learning and pursue God’s wisdom.
Work Hard, REALLY HARD: Gain The Competitive Advantage.
One of my favorite stories in all of sports is the rivalry between Earvin “Magic” Johnson and Larry “Legend” Bird. What is arguably one of the fiercest rivalries in all of sports history, these two men were driven to accomplish so much through hard work and determination. Between the two, they only won 8 NBA titles and 5 NBA MVPs! My favorite story from the rivalry (and there are tons of good ones) is the one Larry Bird would tell about practicing free throws.
Both men were known for their tireless work ethic and extreme practice regimen. Second to only Michael Jordan, these two were crazy competitive. Larry would shoot 500 free throws in personal practice. He’d walk off the court and think to himself, “What if Magic shot 500?” He’d get back on the court and shoot 500 more free throws. The rivalry cooled over the years, but one thing for certain was produced by this fierce competition; Greatness.
You need competition. More than that, you need to be competitive. Be fierce in your work ethic. This goes way beyond the “don’t quit” mantra. Instead it’s, “get better, fight hard, work harder!” Put in the time and effort to succeed. In case you’re wondering, this isn’t a “Win at all cost” idea. Quite the opposite. Instead, as we grow in manhood, we’ll gain the discernment necessary to work hard on the things that matter. You can’t succeed in your business to the detriment of your relationships. Relationship are hard work, so apply yourself to them ferociously. Your wife matters, keep pursuing her passionately. Your children matter, so pursue them intensely. George Barna said, “It’s a race to the heart of our children, and the first one there wins.” Strive. Compete. Work Hard. Win!
Stay Hungry: Don’t Get Complacent
There is a real danger in complacency! There’s certainly no problem with being comfortable, but when we lose our appetite, desire, and drive, we run the risk of getting fat. Yes physically, but mentally and spiritually, too. Deep in the heart of every man is a drive to pursue greatness. But, what is greatness?
For a few, it’s being President and Leader of the Free World. For some, it’s leading a fortune 500 company. For others, it’s leading a life that honors and worships God. Success and greatness are not abstract terms, neither are they absolute blanket benchmarks for all people. I think my idea of success comes from a guy that lost his mind. John “The Baptist” was beheaded by the King of the land, Herod, for speaking truth to power. In the Gospel of John the Apostle, John “the Baptist” says, He must increase, but I must decrease.” (John 3:30 ESV)
True success comes when I abandon my ambitions and seek first God’s Kingdom. Max Lucado writes about this at length in his book, It’s Not about Me: Rescue from the Life We Thought Would Make Us Happy. There’s something absolutely freeing in the reality that our pursuit of greatness is singularly found in God’s divine purpose. “What’s next?” has been one of my life’s motto’s. Not so much in checking boxes on a to-do list (yes, there will always be more to do), but more in continually discovering and being hungry for what God has for me. He’s a big God with Big Plans, and I think it’s awesome that He allows me to be a part of it all! Stay hungry, my friends!
I leave you with a poem from Rudyard Kipling that I memorized in grade school. I remember so many of it’s lines to this day. Here are the words to IF:
If you can keep your head when all about you Are losing theirs and blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too; If you can wait and not be tired by waiting, Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies, Or being hated, don’t give way to hating, And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream—and not make dreams your master; If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim; If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster And treat those two impostors just the same; If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools, Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken, And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss, And lose, and start again at your beginnings And never breathe a word about your loss; If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew To serve your turn long after they are gone, And so hold on when there is nothing in you Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch, If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you, If all men count with you, but none too much; If you can fill the unforgiving minute With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it, And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!
I’ll never forget the moment that I started growing up as a man. In a Bob Evans Restaurant somewhere outside Detroit, Michigan, a grey-haired man looked into the eyes of a then brown haired boy (I’m struggling to hold onto any hair I can now) and said, “Real men keep their word.” The night before I made a commitment to attend a meeting early that morning. The time for me wake up, get ready, and go to that meeting came and went. Where was I, still in bed.
Perhaps the most significant part of this transaction from seasoned veteran to recent college graduate and newlywed was the subtle look of disappointment that I saw in his eye. Now, I could’ve taken that as a sign of his frustration or irritation, instead I looked at it as his way of beckoning me forward on a long and winding journey toward true manhood. His disappointed look told me, “He believes in you.” To this day, I can still hear him saying to me over two eggs over easy, “Real men keep their word.”
The question
There is a deep longing and desire tucked deep in the heart and mind of every boy. It’s a question he asks himself over and over. The longing manifests itself in many different ways that can often be ill-perceived by those on the receiving end of those manifestations. What is this desire or question that every boy needs an answer to? I’m glad you asked! The question he asks incessantly is, “Do I have what it takes.”
In his book Fathered by God, John Eldredge explains to those with this longing that there is really only one person that can answer this question. Every boy is secretly, and sometimes not so secretly begging their Father to answer that question. Sadly, so many boys grow into bigger boys and never men because the dad they had wouldn’t answer the question, they didn’t have a dad to answer the question, or there was no father-figure to help them with a sense of approval. Most devastatingly, far too many young men in their adolescent years turn to inadequate peer groups, sexual encounters with young women, abusive men, substance abuse, and gangs to solve the riddle, “Do I have what it takes.”
The good news is that we have a Heavenly Daddy that loves us, cares for us, and wants what’s best for us. He willingly answered the question that plagues the young man’s heart and mind when He sent His Son Jesus Christ to prove His love and devotion to us.
To those influenced by the pandemic of male immaturity:
Young men: you have what it takes. You are loved by God and uniquely equipped by Him to do what He’s calling you to. If you have a good earthly dad of father-figure, lean into their love and teaching. If you don’t have a dad, I’m praying for you. I pray you find the man on this earth that will help you answer the question. If you have a bad father, I am praying for you to grow in spite of the harm, abuse, or neglect that you have or are experiencing. Reach out to men who can help you as pursue true manhood.
Seasoned men: you have what it takes. Sadly, many of you grew up without ever having the question answered. But please turn your pain or grief into a winning solution by fathering, mentoring, and answering the question in young men. Love your children. Help them grow. Be the dad you loved, the one you wish you had, or the opposite of the terrible father you once had. Take ownership. Don’t be a victim, live victoriously. Grow up.
Ladies: You are amazing. You, too have what it takes. Mom, far too often you are left to handle way too much. Young lady, don’t settle for the immature “guy” (as my friend Chuck Holton would call him). There are still men who are growing, reaching, and fighting to join the ranks of those worthy to be called men. Please know that there are “good guys” out there and when the time is right and God brings the right man into your life, God will bless that relationship.
How do men grow?
There’s so much that could be said here, but in my experience and what I’ve seen in the experience of others, men start to grow when they start making decisions against themselves. Mark Batterson, in his book Play the Man, speaks to men at length about this growth step. The key to this step is that a man begins to know the end of himself. He yields himself to the understanding that his heart may not always know best and that the choices he makes greatly impact the life he leads. “Making decisions against yourself” requires a level a humility that is vital to growth. Yes! In order to grow we must be humble.
This is just the starting point. In my next article, I’ll give some very practical steps on how men can grow up and continually pursue that path toward manhood. The word “continually” is used intentionally here. The maturation of a boy into a man takes time, effort, and fortitude. Without a continual daily walk down the path toward manhood, a boy will drift, wander, or regress on the path.
Walt Disney really messed with our heads and changed the way we think about life. He created this idea that there are “magic moments” in life. Let me be candid, there will never be a magical moment when you wake up and realize you are a man. No. Instead what you’ll notice on your journey is the progression toward manhood through experience, wisdom, and effort. There is always room to grow. There is always a chance to get better. There is always a lesson to learn.
With that said, know that you have a Heavenly Father who loves you, cares for you, and wants to call you His child. Lean into Him, embrace His love, grow in His wisdom. Then, my friend, you will be on the true path toward being the man you desperately want and need to be.
You read that right! A crisis of epic proportions has swept our country, dare I say a pandemic is crushing our world. Now, I know what some of you who just read that sentence are thinking. Probably something like, “Crisis? Meltdown? Is there really a problem so significant to use such audacious terms?” I’m glad you asked that question. If you’ll keep reading, I’ll answer the questions: Is there really a crisis? How did we get here? And What do we do about the mess we are in?
Is there really a Manhood Meltdown?
The “Manhood Crisis” or “Fatherhood Crisis” that we are experiencing has plagued generations of young men, who in turn, grow up to be men and fathers themselves. The grave danger of this “Manhood Meltdown” is that it is a self-perpetuating downward spiral of disaster.
You see, somewhere along the way men lost their way (or gave it up). We abdicated our role and responsibility to be men. We caved to the pressures of the world to “be big kids” or that real men are somehow exuding “toxic masculinity.” Men of days gone by had sons who desperately craved their fathers attention and approval. When they didn’t get what they needed, these boys grew up to be men very similar to their fathers. After all, that’s who we learned to be. When those young men become fathers, they unfortunately emulate many of the characteristics that their dad exhibited.
This downward spiral is made even more clear in the numbers and statistics. In a report from the Department of Justice (All the way back in 1998), some alarming statistics were found. In their report, the DOJ found that fatherless homes account for:
70% of minors detained in state centers and institutions.
71% of all high school drop outs.
85% of children who have behavioral disorders.
75% of all rapists motivated by displaced anger.
63% of all youth suicides.
In his book The Boy Crisis,Warren Farrell gives a clear picture of the detriment being done to our children (specifically our boys) by fatherless homes. He finds:
Children from fatherless homes are at a significantly higher risk of drug abuse. Nearly two times as many academic high achievers come from 2 parent homes than single parent homes. In homes where fathers are absent, boys have a 100% more likelihood of being incarcerated than in homes with 2 parents.
What’s striking about these numbers is that they remain eerily constant across social, racial, and economic boundaries. No matter how you parse the numbers, statistics, and demographics one constant remains:
As stated before, we are in this mess today because too many men have caved to the pressure of the culture condemning their “toxic masculinity” while others have abdicated their role and responsibility to be who they were designed to be.
Trigger warning (as if you haven’t had that chance already), men and women are different. We aren’t simply biologically different. We are emotionally different, mentally different, and psychologically different. Clearly stated, men aren’t women and women aren’t men. We were designed differently. These differences in design are vital to the development of children produced by mothers and fathers. A home where a mother and father are present gives children in that home the best opportunity for success. Conversely, a home where both a mother and father aren’t present creates an unnecessary risk of failure for the children living in that home.
Have there been problems with the cultural masculinity of days gone by? Yes, but even more problematic is the dangerous practice of labeling everything that is masculine as toxic. Real men treat women with respect. Real men love their children. Real men give to others through a tireless work ethic. Real men speak into the culture with a voice of strength and honor. Please understand, there’s nothing toxic about true masculinity!
The pandemic of immaturity in so many men in our culture will have long lasting, crippling effects. Of those men who have abandoned their families, some have left in fear and others out of selfishness. No matter the reason a man leaves his family physically or mentally (more on this later), he is wrong. Men, at our core we must be men of character and conviction. We must not abdicate our role and abandon our responsibility to fulfill immature desires or alleviate external pressures.
Life is hard, full of pressure, and responsibility. So man up!
This question cannot be answered in full in this article. That’s why I will share an action step every Monday in the weeks to come. To tease those articles and pique your interest, I’ll give you the outline now. In order to clean up the mess that we are in and pull out of the death spiral of the Manhood Meltdown, men must:
Grow Up: Follow the path toward manhood.
Be Actively Present: Avoid the trap of passivity.
Love Passionately: Pursue a life a sacrificial love.
Get Support: Surround yourself with men to challenge you.
In the quiet and stillness of an autumn night, I heard the cry of a little boy coming from his bedroom, “Daddy! Daddy!” As I walked toward the room of an 8-year-old boy, decorated in all things Star Wars, Superman, Batman, and Aquaman, I could hear the sniffles and whimpers. My heart swelled with emotion as I opened the door and heard a frightened little boy cry out, “Daddy! You came!”
He had a nightmare. More accurately, a bad dream. He told me about all of the “Creepy stuff” that had flooded his subconsciousness as he passed the night away under the ever-changing glow of the Darth Vader night light. Most likely all of the creepy stuff had entered his mind from a video that he had watched earlier in the week on his iPad without permission. The discipline for watching the moderately scary flick with a giggling clown had been doled, but the consequences were (are) long lasting.
As I consoled him by rubbing his head, scratching his back, and telling him he was safe, my mind went to a helpful thought that I often had growing up. I can still hear the man in Sunday School telling me to “Change the channel”. The principle comes from Philippians 4:8 which states, “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”
The purpose of the principle to “Change the Channel” is to think thoughts that would not lead us to dark places and ultimately to fear. Our minds can do some strange and cruel things to us. One minute you are happy, jovial, and everything is light. The next thing you know you are thinking dark, unsafe, and sad thoughts. I think this is the product of 2 different forces at work.
One reason we think dark, negative, unsafe thoughts that lead to fear is because we have believed the lies that The Liar, Satan has told us. John 10:10 tells us that Satan’s singular objective is to “steal and kill and destroy”. How does he do that? By gaining the foothold on the battlefield of your mind. He wants you to believe the lies of the world. Lies that will steal your joy, kill your peace, and destroy your hope. He wants to break you and take what belongs to you.
The other reason why we think these thoughts that can take us down a dark, winding road is because we’ve believed the lies we’ve told ourselves. Far too often, you and I have told ourselves things about ourselves that just aren’t true. “You aren’t good enough.” or “No one cares about you.” or “If they really knew you, there’s no way they could love you.”All of these thoughts that we’ve dwelt on for so long aren’t just not true, they are blatant lies!
So what to do about the problem? How do we fix the anxiety, fear, depression, anger, bitterness, hatred, and confusion that has riddled our mind and stolen our joy? Well, I’m not saying this is a fix-all, easy installment approach, but I think it starts with “Changing the Channel.” It starts by thinking differently.
When we allow ourselves to be consumed by these thoughts of inadequacy, we are missing the truth that we are made in the image of God and He gave His Son Jesus to redeem us to Himself. When we settle for the lie that no one cares, we are missing the reality that so many people around us and the God that created us love and care about us. When we worry about people knowing who we really are, we are forgetting that God knows who we are in our deepest parts and still loves us like crazy. When we chose to believe these lies that Satan, the World, and the Flesh have told us, we aren’t thinking true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, or commendable thoughts.
Will this “Change the Channel” thing happen over night? Of course not. It’ll take practice, effort, and consistency. My son, now 9, often reminds me to “Change the Channel!” when he is thinking scary thoughts or when there’s an iffy situation that might cause me or him some measure of anxiety. And that’s just it! I struggle too, with keeping my thoughts safe. So I need the reminder from my 9-year-old to “Change the Channel” sometimes. John 10:10 ends with Jesus’ words, “I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.” Christ wants to give us life that can be lived to the fullest in Him.
I leave you with the words from the Apostle Peter, “6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, 7 casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you. 8 Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.” (1 Peter 5:6-8)
Humble yourself. Give God your Anxieties. Think safe thoughts. Be aware. And whatever you do, “Change the Channel.”
I’ve been holding off on writing this for some time. Shame on me! It’s long overdue and I think the timing is right. In fact, the timing is always right when it comes to seeking solutions to massive problems. Trust me, this problem is huge. So big that it has made it’s way into virtually every facet of our society. From the halls of Congress to the town council room; from the courthouse to the church house; from our school to our homes; from our workplaces to our entertainment; from our daily conversations to our social media accounts; The problem is everywhere! And it’s getting worse!
Please understand that it’s not going to fix itself, and won’t magically go away if we act like the child playing pretend, closing our eyes, plugging our ears, and wishing it away. The solution is going to take time, patience, and healing. The solution won’t be easy, but it’s necessary.
So let me start with the problem and then I’ll give you what I believe is the solution to said problem.
The Mess
I can’t put my finger on it, don’t know when it started, and have no idea how we got as far as we have without a massive halt from the collective of society. For years if not decades, our culture has been enthralled by hatred. Through a myriad of different societal avenues, we have fallen for the vicious lies that have purposefully divided us and destroyed what we once held onto as core principles.
Whether it’s divisive politically (in)correct wedge issues, a marketing and advertising ploy, or a rampant smear campaign on commonality; hatred and bitterness are everywhere. Over the last several decades, we have seen an escalation in division come to what many are considering a near fever pitch. Tensions are high. Tempers have flared. Petulance is unbridled. What’s worse is that so many who have waded (if not dove) into the mire of hatred, outrage, and bitterness, find self and societal justification for their behavior.
So many have self-reasoned that their actions, words, or thoughts are appropriate. Thus, they have driven themselves to the point of madness. Yes I do mean an absurdity, but also anger. So many are angry. Very angry! Truthfully, one of the main reasons why so many now act this way is because they hate themselves. They hate who they’ve become, who they are not, and who they cannot be. This isn’t good. In fact, it leads to a culture filled with narcissistic, self-aggrandizing, and grossly immature members.
Once we’ve self-rationalized, we then turn to the group. Since so many others are filled with hatred, it’s pretty easy to find a commonality with others who are ready to go to war over a particular molehill. Knit picking, social media bullying, and tribal warfare are commonplace. What you’ll find are entire segments of society who have become disenfranchised to the point of isolation.
Here’s the problem: hateful people hate other people. So it’s not long before the group turns on itself and becomes embittered. This leads to further isolation. In turn, we are left with lonely, depressed, anxious, and exhausted individuals. Now that they hate who they are and feel like everyone else hates them, many take their life into their own hands. Sadly, suicide becomes a reasonable alternative to an awfully unreasonable existence.
According to the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention (ASFP), suicide is the 10th leading cause of death in the United States. On average, there are 129 Suicides per day, and white males accounted for nearly 70% of all suicides. There has been a subtle, but steady uptick in the suicide rate every year for the past decade. Click here for ASFP website Sadly, these statistics only reflect reported and determined suicides. It is alarming how many suicides go unreported or are never determined to be anything other than accidents.
This is heartbreaking and it shouldn’t be this way. Something has to change!
The Solution
Before you read on, let me explain something. I am not naive. As stated before, I don’t believe there is a “one size fits all” approach to this problem. I don’t believe that we should just “go along (with lies) to get along”. I can’t tell you that if you choose to be a part of the solution that everyone with whom you interact will reciprocate your behavior. And please read this part carefully. I don’t care what side of the aisle, argument, or acronym you are on; we can find something in common and we can both be part of the solution.
Here’s what I do know. I know that if we do nothing, this massive problem won’t go away. If we tuck our hands in our pockets and mutter “I don’t know” the beast will just get bigger. If we choose to sit idly by while our brothers and sisters drift down the path of bitterness and anger, then shame on us!
There is a solution and you can choose to be a part of it.
I have seen the power of a kind word of the face of a angry man. Yes very angry! He was angry about God knows what, but the person on the receiving end of his wrath chose to see past the performance (the man’s anger) and see the person. Ultimately, the angry man felt disrespected. He needed to be heard. After his tirade, the person on the receiving end said in a non-patronizing way, “I’m sorry you feel that way, Let me help you. I am grateful for you and your feelings.” Whatever the case, Kind words go a long way.
We do not have to agree to be kind. You do not have to condone, accept, or rationalize another person’s behavior in order to be kind to them. You can be kind to people with whom you have adamant disagreements. It’s okay. Yes, it really is okay if you disagree, but it isn’t okay if you vociferously object while demeaning another person. Now before the truth police come and lock me up for being soft, hear me out. You can disagree, share the truth, and still do it in a kind, loving manner. After all, isn’t it so much easier to catch flies with honey rather than vinegar. Win the person, not the argument.
Kindness in action mustn’t be overlooked. When is the last time you went out of your way to be kind? People need each other. John Donne wrote, “No man is an island entire of itself…” I need you, and you need me. And we all need each other to be kind. Civility, collegiality, and common courtesy will go a long way in solving the problem of hatred addiction.
How?
I have to go first. I cannot expect you to be kind if I’m not. This means that I am going to need to learn humility. To be kind you must be humble. The knee-jerk reaction to being disrespected is to reciprocate. What if, instead of responding in kind, we chose to be humble and kind? Instead of reciprocating anger and bitterness, take a step back and ask yourself the question, “Why is this person reacting this way, and what can I do to help them?”
Some might warn that this mentality leads to being trampled all over like a doormat. Nothing could be further from the truth. Victims feel like they have no choice. Kind people choose to be kind and know that they are ultimately victorious no matter the outcome. You don’t have to condescend to be kind. You do have to relate to people to be kind. Isn’t that what we are after? Good, solid, mature relationships. The ones where we can disagree and still move forward.
This is not peace through passivity. There will be times when you will have to stand your ground. There will be times when protecting what is sacred requires a ferocious passion. And yes, There will be times when we must rise to the occasion and defend what we hold dear with our “lives, fortunes, and our sacred honor. ” (Declaration of Independence)
However, in nearly all of our daily interactions we can choose kindness. We can be civil. We can exercise humility. Kindness, civility, and a humble spirit are a choice. So, my friend, if you’ve made it this far, let me send you on your way with a parting word.
Choose to be kind. Be kind first. Reach out to the lonely, depressed, anxious, and exhausted with a kind word or deed. Choose to be kind today.
So let me begin by telling you that I really struggle with Focus. It is most likely because I have some sort of undiagnosed Attention Deficit (probably the Hyperactive kind). I really work at managing this problem by creating lists and continually updating and checking my digital calendar.
But everyday lack of focus is, I believe, only symptomatic of a much deeper issue. Stated plainly, I believe that there many people out there that only struggle with daily or micro focus because they are out of focus with their entire life.
Allow me to illustrate what I’m suggesting. There have been times when I have lost my keys (fill in the blank of whatever is important to you). I look everywhere for them! High, low, in, out, on top, and under. I retrace steps, search through bags, and even dig through dirty clothes to find my keys. A few times (more than I care to mention), I have heard a jingle in my pocket or hand only to find that my keys are in my hands or in my pants during my frantic search. Why did this happen? Simply put, my head wasn’t in the game. My mind was elsewhere and I was clearly not focus on the big picture so the little things slipped too.
I believe there are 3 main reasons why we lose focus of the big picture.
It could be because of some deep pain that you feel.
I’m not talking about the physical kind of pain as much as a deep wound that we have in our soul. Someone or something has done something, said something, or not said something that hurt you deeply. Now there is a pain that you can’t get over that continually breaks your soul. It’s not a little nag as much as it is a absolute brokenness. It’s more that a Band-aid fix, you need surgery! No matter what others say to try and make you whole, you feel that deep dagger in your heart, and it distracts you. If this is you, hang on just a minute and I’ll give you a few ideas on how to help this.
Maybe it’s not a deep pain within you that someone or something caused.
It’s possible that you have suffered a traumatic event.
A couple of months ago I was involved in a single car accident. It was a rainy Georgia day and my wet tires hit a patch of water on a wet bridge and I hydroplaned across the bridge spinning into the median and crashed into a guard rail. As big of manly-man that I am, I was scared to drive in the rain for the next several months (and I kinda still am!). There isn’t pain inside my heart as much as fear. Maybe you’ve gone through something similar. A breakup, a layoff, a traumatic loss, a failed attempt to make a friend, or a combination of these or other traumatic events that have led to fear in your heart. This fear is keeping you from seeing clearly. You can’t function because you are distracted and paralyzed by fear. This is debilitating and frustrating! You feel powerless over your own emotions and feelings! You wonder what’s wrong, and you can’t find the answer. If this is you, hang on.
It’s also possible that you are just like the rest of us and you are bent and broken.
God’s Word tells us that we are all predisposed to some sort of malady or sin that we are bent toward. We are just like a car. We can only drive down the same side of the road for so long before we need realignment. We are all human. We are all normal. we are all broken. The corporate and business world warns leaders and visioneers against this thing called “Mission Drift.” It is the natural inclination of a leader or business to slowly but surely lose sight of its mission. In other words, people and business will slowly drift off course and miss the target they originally set for themselves if not continually kept in check. Do you feel aimless? Do you feel like you lack focus in everyday life because you lack clear mission, direction, or purpose? If so, hang on.
Here’s how I surmise we handle the lack of focus caused by all three issues.
We continually focus on Christ everyday. I know, you are thinking that is too simple, too much of a “Jesus juke”, or too cliche for your real problem. But I would suggest that therein lies the true secret to your success. If you want to focus, you’ll have to simplify things a bit. You’ll have to surrender your will to God’s plan and purpose. You’ll probably have to have some faith and believe that He is all you need and that He is enough.
If you are the wounded soul, you’ll react emotionally in several different ways. You may get angry, you may feel sad, you may become despondent. Allow Christ to heal the wounds of your soul. Let His love, grace, and mercy give a drink to your thirsty heart. Drink in Christ’s truth and embrace the fact that He will always be your greatest hope. Let others off the hook. Forgive them (I know that’s crazy). Find peace in the presence of Jesus.
If you are the traumatized survivor, you’ll want to find strength in Jesus’ arms. You’ll have to exercise the same deep faith that the wounded soul does. If you want focus, keep your eyes fixed on the immutable Christ. That is to say, in all of your instability, allow yourself to rest in His never-ceasing stability. Allow yourself to get help from others. My wife and I drove half-way across the country right after my car accident, and it rained the entire time we were in the car. My wife drove for a good portion of the trip because my nerves were shot. Every time we hit a water puddle I’d clinch up, only to be relieved when we successfully made it through. She helped me feel more comfortable on the journey. Friend, you may need to allow someone else to drive for a little bit to help you regain your confidence to help you focus.
For all of us that suffer from being bent and predisposed to sinfulness. While we are dealing with “mission drift” in our personal lives, maybe we need to gain some perspective. We get so bent out of shape sometimes because of what others are saying or doing, and we forget that we have deep gaping problems in our own lives. A fresh dose of perspective and a continual look at the redeeming Savior will help us regain our focus. While it is no excuse for sinfulness, Christ redeemed their broken and sinful life to Himself just like He redeemed yours. If you are dealing with your brokenness and bent toward sinfulness remember what the writer of Hebrews says in Hebrews 12:1-2, “Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” If I can give you the Mitch paraphrase; run your race, stay in your lane, focus on Jesus. He is the prize.
No matter where you are and what causes your lack of focus, the answer is Jesus. He has promised that He will lead us where we need to go if we will follow Him. What is the destination? It’s the same as the one leading us. Jesus is the guide and the goal. Focus on Him and He will reward you with the focus you need.
I mean it. You need to exercise the GOD-given potential placed inside of you to do that really hard thing that you’ve been dreading. Now, let me tell you what I don’t mean and then explain in some detail what I do mean.
I don’t mean making a resolution.
For those of you that already have made a resolution, don’t worry I’m not raining on your parade (maybe, sorta). Let’s face it and be honest, most of our “New Year’s Resolutions” are exercises in futility because we never truly set out to accomplish anything worthwhile in our efforts. Some of you want to get fit, lose weight, procrastinate less, love more, spender more wisely, save a marriage or another relationship, and the list goes on. Please don’t misunderstand what I’m saying, these things are worth doing. But our plans and goals and dreams of success are often sabotaged by our own inability to set a God-given purpose to the potential that lies within us. Focus is key. I see people who make a “New Year, New Me” goal to lose 10 pounds. They purchase a gym membership, treadmill, running shoes, blender bottle, protein powder, and a new set of earbuds to jam while running. Here’s the problem. While they set forth in motion a pattern for success, they didn’t change anything on the inside themselves in order to succeed.
A transformation must occur!
Read what Paul tells Roman believers in Romans 12:2, “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Notice what Paul says! He tells us that our mind must be renewed. This not only means that we have to focus our attention and purpose our minds to accomplish our God-given purpose, but we are called to devote all of our being whom God made to do what He wants us to do. He has empowered the believer when He gave us His Holy Spirit. He placed Himself inside of us and He wants us to do something about it.
So here is the hard part. It could be that you have to abandon your dreams, aspirations, goals, ambitions, and desires for His calling on your life. It could be that what you want is only part of His greater purpose for your life. While I know that He gives you the desires of your heart, this only comes when you have delighted yourself in Him (Psalm 37:4-5). In other words, God wants you to be so in love with Him and wrapped up in His presence that your dreams are His dreams and your plans are His plans. Part of transformation is surrender. Waving the white flag for the grace, mercy, truth, hope, and joy of Christ to overtake your soul.
So where does the “New” come from?
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold, the new has come.” -2 Corinthians 5:17
Jesus brings the newness. How do I transform my life? How do I do big things with my life? Give up and let Jesus do it for you! Allow Him to lead your steps in His path for your journey. Trust in Christ’s grace and have faith in Jesus’ Truth. Know that you can have joy in the mercy and hope that awaits you on the other side of the start line of your journey to doing difficult things.
I’m going to leave you with a proud dad moment.
A few months ago, Christina (my gorgeous wife) and I took our 3 sons (along with Aunts, Uncles, and Grandparents) to their home away from home; the zoo. My wife and I love to listen as they run from animal to animal exhibit to share with everyone all that they know about the Lemurs, Bear, Lions, and Parrots. My oldest has always wanted to climb the rock wall, but his waiste has always been way too small to fit in the harness (imagine that!). This time, amidst the “Daddy Please!” begging, we found that he was finally big enough to climb the rock wall. Immediately a pit and funny feeling began to grow in my gut. “What if he fell, got hurt, or failed!?” But my tough-guy exterior won over my inner-wimp and he darted to the carabiner hook to begin his ascent. As the young girl (ever so patient she was) strapped him to the repelling rope, he flapped and jumped and giggled with excitement. (You see, he has autism and he gets to love life a little more that some of us get to.) He was finally strapped in and off he went! He began climbing and soon learned that it was too hard. Two feet off the ground, my six year old couldn’t figure out what to do. Too scared to go up and unsure about letting the repelling rope do its job, he was frozen! His awesome uncle, amazing Papa, and I tried to coach him, but there he was between a synthetic rock and a hard place (dad jokes for days!).
I had an Idea! I asked the young lady if I could strap in and help, and she obliged! (this is a big deal because it had been years and dozens of pounds since I’d strapped in!) I got right beside my son, and along with me and his cool uncle, we began to climb. I set the pace and showed him what to do and my brother-in-law coached and pushed from the bottom. Slowly but surely, my son began to climb higher. He didn’t make it to the top, but the sense of accomplishment and joy that birthed the ear-wide smile on that little boys face will forever be etched into this Daddy’s mind.
God (the perfect Daddy) looks at me and you the same way! He wants to take us higher than we’ve ever gone. We just have to strap in and climb with Him, placing our hands and feet in the same footholds He has shown us. Where does the cool uncle fit in? I’m so glad we were both thinking that! He is the rest of us. Cheering you on, encouraging you, pushing you, believing in the you that God made.
Surrender to Christ’s transformational power. Follow His footsteps to greater heights. Trust His path for your journey. Encourage others. Do something hard.
I’m going to make a confession. I think you can handle it, although it’s rather difficult for me to admit.
I don’t like darkness.
I think that’s a manly way of saying, “I’m afraid of darkness.” I’m not talking about carrying a “blankie” and sucking my thumb because there are monsters under my bed (there used to be when I was 6). It’s not an inordinate fear of the boogie man, Frankenstein’s Monster, or that “something evil’s lurking in the dark.” (thanks Thriller) Please understand, I do believe there is evil out there and that we need to be concerned and prepared for it. But that’s not so much where my fear comes from, so we’ll talk about that a little bit more in a minute.
The things I’m most afraid of in the dark are obstacles that can get in the way of where I’m going. They always seem to be right at knee-high and I always find them. Years ago, during a power outage in our church in Delaware, I was walking through a room with no windows in the dead of night to get to a flashlight so that I could act like I was going to do something about the power outage (men, you know what I’m talking about). There was something in the darkness of that room that I was unaware of. In the darkness of that room were the tables that several of the people in our church had set up for a dinner that Sunday. Guess what! I found those tables! With my knee and unexpectedly! It hurt, I danced, and I found more tables. In the middle of that room, I decided to crawl until I could get to the flashlight. I’m sure all of you would have enjoyed being in the room to see this experience. The interesting thing is that once I found the flashlight and turned it on, I walked back through that same room without incident. The Light makes all the difference.
The evil one wants to trip you, trap you, and destroy you. He wants nothing more than to make your life miserable and in turn make all around you miserable. He does this by hiding obstacles, traps, and pitfalls in the darkness and then convinces you that it’s perfectly normal to walk in the darkness. Many times after we get hurt because we found the trouble in the dark the first person we blame is God. But God cannot be blamed for us walking in darkness.
One author in the New Testament carries a consistent theme throughout all of his writings. John records over and over again as inspired by the Holy Spirit the idea of Christ being light. Read what John says about Jesus in just the first 9 verses of his record of the Gospel:
“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.He was in the beginning with God.All things were made through him, and without him was not any thing made that was made.In him was life, and the life was the light of men.The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.There was a man sent from God, whose name was John.He came as a witness, to bear witness about the light, that all might believe through him.He was not the light, but came to bear witness about the light.The true light, which gives light to everyone, was coming into the world.” (John 1:1-9)
We can rejoice knowing that we do not have to live in darkness, but that we can walk with the Savior Jesus in His light. We don’t have to generate our own light, we must simply allow His light to shine through us. See what Peter says in 1 Peter 2:9, “But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.” You see, God has called me to Himself so that I no longer have to walk in darkness.
Darkness is lonely!
I hate the feeling of being alone. Darkness does that to a person. In the midst of the darkness you could be surrounded and still feel alienated from everything and everyone around you. But the light brings us together. I love the “togetherness” of the light. John writes about this fellowship in his first epistle. He says:
“This is the message we have heard from him and proclaim to you, that God is light, and in him is no darkness at all.If we say we have fellowship with him while we walk in darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth.But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus his Son cleanses us from all sin.If we say we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.If we say we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.” (1 John 1:5-10)
God wants to have communion with us as His children. We were made for fellowship with Him. Not only Him, we were made for fellowship with others. The only way we’ll ever see God work in us, through us, and around us is if we do life His way. He wants us to be together in the commonality of His Son Jesus Christ.
Friend, if you are struggling and agonizing with loneliness, plug into the marvelous light of Jesus. Walk in Him. Know His ways. Follow His path.
Light is to be Shared.
Not only are we to have fellowship with other believers, we are to share the Light those around who are walking in darkness. Look at what Jesus says in Matthe 5:14-16 “You are the light of the world. A city set on a hill cannot be hidden.Nor do people light a lamp and put it under a basket, but on a stand, and it gives light to all in the house.In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven.” God wants me to share the Light of Jesus with the world around me so that they no longer have to walk in darkness.
This Christmas you can celebrate the joy of knowing that there is Light in the midst of the darkness. That’s why Jesus came. he came to give light to a people who needed to see. “See what?” You might ask. He came so that we could see that we needed Him; that we needed a Savior. Many shrink and cower from the light because they know down deep who they really are. Many of you reading this constantly wonder, “If people know who I truly am, will they want (love) me?” That’s why you are scared of the Light. You are worried that if God sees me in the Light, He’ll see who you truly are and not want you. If He sees that you are dirty, messed up, and sinful He won’t care about you. But that the awesome thing! God sees you for who you really are and loves you! He made you and wants you. Emmanuel (God with us) wants to be with you. He wants to redeem the messed up stuff of you to Himself. He gave you the Light of Christ so that you no longer have to walk in the shame of the darkness.
Celebrate the Light. Walk in the Light. Share the Light.
We all have different ideas and perceptions of what peace is.
Your childhood probably plays a large role in how you view peace. The way you interacted with siblings and friends, the relationship your parents had with each other, and the experiences you had with authority in every form all have a defining responsibility in how you understand peace. Some of you reading this experienced harmful and excruciating instances of abuse as children while others of you were blessed to enjoy your childhood with a strong support network and family. Please let me say from the onset, I am deeply hurt by some of the stories I have heard over the years of abuse, neglect, and deprivation. I am concerned for those who have told me their difficult and confidential stories of pain. I am so sorry for you if this is you and my listening ear, comforting words, and supporting shoulder are always available for you. My heart aches for you and my soul craves a lasting peace for you to take hold of.
No matter your background or upbringing, I am going to take a leap and say that you are longing for peace.
Whether your life has been a walk in the park or trek through impassible obstacles; you want peace. Many want to be brought back together with forgotten friends and long to mend broken relationships but struggle for 2 reason. They are afraid of being hurt or are unsure of how to make peace. You might be thinking, “That isn’t me, I’m not afraid of anything!” Maybe you say, “I know what to do and how to make peace, I just don’t want to.” Then let me ask you, Why haven’t you yet made peace? Many times it is because we have the ideas in our minds, but we struggle to put into action our ideas. Please understand that any reward worth having requires some risk. That’s part of the adventure. No relationship is mended, no brokenness is fixed, and no problem is solved without the risk of failure. Let me encourage you to risk for the reward of peace. It will require humility and an attitude of contrition. It will necessitate you listening, understanding, and learning. Seeking peace may begin with an attitude of willing forgiveness and the presence of mind to seek forgiveness. Remember to guard your heart, but don’t brick up your emotional availability to secure yourself from ever being reached.
A working definition for Peace
While I won’t bore you to tears with a replete definition, I don’t want to establish a baseline to create a practical definition for peace. MWD defines peace as:
1: a state of tranquility or quiet
2: freedom from disquieting or oppressive thoughts or emotions
3: harmony in personal relations
I think there are tons of people out there that think peace is the absence or cessation of war. They think it is the lack of conflict in any given relationship that one may experience. But I would suggest to you that this idea or working definition in and of itself is incomplete. True, peace usually means that there is no war, but I know many people in relationship free of conflict that aren’t right. In fact, if I were to define peace, I’d tell you that it is “a right relationship.” Some of you reading this aren’t angry, discontented, or at war with anyone or anything, but you aren’t at peace either. You don’t hate that person, but you may not like them either.
In order to have peace, we have to “zip up” the relationship that is torn. I love this mental image because I can see two sides coming back together through a common bond. They find some sort of common ground or point of agreement with which to pursue peace. What then is the point of connection between 2 parties in order to create peace? I believe that it is reconciliation. Reconciliation is the restoration of a relationship (MWD). It is important to know that reconciliation is not easy. It can be painful, long, and arduous. But it is worth it! If you want to fulfill the craving as your soul longs for right relationships, begin the path of reconciliation.
There are three people with whom you need to seek peace.
You may need to seek peace with yourself. Many people I talk to and counsel have an inner conflict that has manifested itself into their outward behavior. They are deeply troubled within and struggle with living an abundant life. If this is you, it is vital that you remember what Paul tells Timothy in 2 Timothy 1:7, “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.” God didn’t design you to war within yourself. He made you to have His spirit of power, love, and self-control. Outside influences can often plague the inner thoughts and needs of the heart. Be sure that your focus is stayed on the Way-maker. Your journey will be much more peaceful if you allow Immanuel to guide your steps on the path. Remember what the Psalmist proclaims to the Almighty in Psalm 119:105, “Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” The path to inner peace is led by the footprints of God. Follow His Word. Obey His teachings. Trust His Plan.
Peace may need to be made with others. Sometimes a relationship is broken because of the offense of another. They did something to hurt you or said something to shame you. It’s painful, detrimental, and it’s not right. Some of our relationships are torn because we offended someone else. We were insensitive, short-tempered, or abusive in our handling of a situation or a person’s spirit. Once again, what we did was painful, detrimental, and plainly not right. But once it’s done, the offense can’t be taken back. Words said can’t be unsaid and actions committed can’t be uncommitted. So how do we avoid these breaks in relationships and how do we fix them once broken? To avoid them, I think Jesus has the perfect words in Matthew 22. Starting in verse 37 He tells an inquisitor, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment.And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself.On these two commandments depend all the Law and the Prophets.” Jesus’ answer instructs us to love. I am empowered by God to love my neighbor as myself. You could that we are to treat others the way we want to be treated. I don’t want to be hurt so I should hurt others. I want to be loved so I should love others; even the unlovable! The same principle applies once the harm has been done. In order to seek reconciliation and mend the relationship whether the pain was caused by me or someone else, I need to love like I want to be loved. As stated before, this means that I must show contrition and be willing to forgive. I must also be humble and seek forgiveness. In order to repair brokenness, I must be willing to accept responsibility for my failures.
Lastly, but most importantly we need peace with God. Read what Paul says in Romans 5: 6-11, “For while we were still weak, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly.For one will scarcely die for a righteous person—though perhaps for a good person one would dare even to die—but God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Since, therefore, we have now been justified by his blood, much more shall we be saved by him from the wrath of God.For if while we were enemies we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, now that we are reconciled, shall we be saved by his life.More than that, we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.” Because of our sinful nature we are born an enemy of God. I broke His law and His heart, thus He declares me His enemy. The story would be awful if it ended there. BUT IT DOESN’T! The wonderful thing is that God demonstrates perfect love, perfect peace, and perfect reconciliation. While I was continually breaking His heart and law (5:8), He sent Himself to love all over me and create peace with me (5:9-11). Just so you understand, there is nothing that you or I have done to make peace with God. He did it all. We were wrong, dead, broken in our sin and He loved us enough to send His saving grace in Jesus to heal the gaping wound we created.
Not only does this create peace between me and God, it creates a demonstration that I need to follow. Many practice reactive peacemaking. Once the relationship is broken, then we make peace. But if we follow the example of God through Christ, we are to be active peace makers. We are to live as peace promoters. One way we can do this is by not being so easily offended by what others say or do to us. Being considerate of others mental or emotional state, is vital to not being hurt by everyone all of the time. Much more could be said about this (and may be at a later time), but we cannot capitulate to being a member of the society of the perpetually offended. Nor should we seek to continually harm others. Instead, we should seek to promote peace in every instance of life. Allow yourself to take pass on being first all of the time and give someone else the benefit of your consideration. Be mindful of your surroundings (situational awareness) and see the opportunities to meet the need of a hurting friend or stranger. Be a peacemaker and follow the steps of Jesus along the journey toward Christlikeness. For those of you reading this that are mortally wounded by abuse, neglect, or shame; ask God to fight your battles for you. Continually seek His face in prayer to provide “the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.“ (Philippians 4:7)
Promote Peace. Pray Passionately. Pursue His Presence.
Mid River Reflections 